Many people haven’t learned how to self-soothe or they think it’s wrong to concentrate on themselves or they don’t deserve it.  When in a stressful situation they turn to others for comfort.  It’s a wonderful thing to have friends and family to turn to, AND it’s a valuable skill to be able to soothe yourself when you are alone.  Again, this is intended for a high stress, possibly crisis, situation.

Self-soothe is an imperative skill.  I always wanted our children to be able to “play by themselves.”  In other words, be able to find things to do such that I didn’t need to be their playmate all day.  It’s a healthy thing to be comfortable being alone and not feeling paralyzed by it.  I think I missed the mark, though, on teaching them to self-soothe.  They do well spending time on their own without causing trouble, getting bored, etc.; they don’t do so well calming themselves down when they’re in a frustrating situation.  Planning to keep working on this with them – especially now that I have more tools to use.

Self-soothe is basically using your senses to be mindful, or tune into your body, sensations, feelings, emotions, and calm the body and mind.  We practiced this a few times using the 5-4-3-2-1 method.

New quote posted.

TIP is all about changing the chemistry of the body very rapidly in order to reduce extreme emotion.  These actions were used when someone at TK was having a panic attack or flashback and their mind was literally not in the present but reliving something from the past.

T – Tip the temperature of your face.  The basic (or mammalian) reflex when submerged in cold water is for the heart rate to decrease and blood flow to increase to the heart and brain.  That’s where life needs to be sustained, and the body and brain react on basic instinct to preserve life.  The same effect can be achieved by putting your face in a bowl of cold water or holding an ice pack to your eyes or cheeks.  At TK residents frequently got cups of ice for other residents in distress and helped guide their hand into it.

I – Intense Exercise. When the body is revved up by emotion, exercising intensely for a short time can expend that energy and help the body and brain calm.

P – Paced breathing. This is a great mindfulness exercise. My info sheet says breathe deeply from the belly and count; inhale on the count of 5 and exhale on the count of 7.  Try to average five to six breaths a minute.  There’s a couple of advantages to this – the heart slows down, hyperventilating stops, the mind focuses on the breathing instead of the problem, and calmness can be restored more easily.  I recently saw a mother use a shortened version of this with her two-year-old.  When he started to whine and cry, she said, “stop; take a deep breath.”  After both of them did a couple times, she said, “now try again without whining.”  And he did!  I wish I’d known to do that with my kids!!

The second skill in the Distress Tolerance Module is Pros and Cons.  This may seem pretty basic, but it’s not when someone is in a desperate crisis situation or in a situation that feels that way.  It was explained in the context of controlling the urge to do something drastic, something addicts and those struggling with anxiety, depression, eating disorders, etc. deal with a lot.  We were encouraged to write it out ahead of time and carry it with us, so when the urge hit, we could pull it out and remind ourselves.

Acting on Crisis Urges. Resisting Crisis Urges.

Here are a couple visuals to help explain it.

This shows a basic chart for general pros and cons of acting on a crisis urge.

The second is a chart to help look at short- and long-term goals in light of tolerating a distressing situation or acting out. (Remember – “One must survive the short-term without making it worse in order to improve the long-term.”) After thinking through these options, it’s easier to say, I’ll do this now so that it doesn’t get worse.  (easy to say; hard to do!)

This last chart shows the pros and cons of changing an emotion.  We are in control of our emotions. Just a reminder – emotion lasts 60-90 seconds; if it continues, it’s because we feed it. Sometimes writing it out can help the mind settle and see the best course.  Sometimes it shows us – at least me – how my emotion may be too long, too intense, or misguided.

Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean the emotion is BAD!  Emotions are just information shared about how our brain and body are reacting to a trigger.  If someone steps on your toe, you may be annoyed.  If someone hits your car, you may be angry.  If someone accidentally throws something of yours away, you may be sad.  These are normal emotions; everyone feels this way at some time.

Back to pros and cons – I’d love to know if this was helpful.  Did you use it to make a decision?  Have you used it before in a distressing situation?

Check out the new List about moving forward…