Explanation of Anger Styles

1. People Pleasing
   1. Feeling – want to keep everyone happy; afraid people might not like them if they get angry
   2. Problem – put own needs/ wants last, can become resentful or develop low self-esteem
   3. What to work on – learn how to express anger; disagreement won’t make people leave
2. Sneaky
   1. Feeling – have trouble saying no, use passive-aggressive means like sarcasm or “forgetting”
   2. Problem – frustrate or let people down instead of expressing how they feel directly
   3. What to work on – willing to express how you feel, let go of resentments, keep your word
3. Self-blaming
   1. Feeling – expressing anger out loud is wrong so it’s easier to turn blame inward
   2. Problem – self-blame causes low self-esteem, helplessness, hopelessness
   3. What to work on – figure out where this was learned, change self-talk
4. Volcanic
   1. Feeling – anger builds, possibly without awareness, all comes out, then feel relieved
   2. Problem – feels out of control and can cause problems in relationships
   3. What to work on – use mindfulness to clue in to body sensations, regulate intensity
5. Defensive
   1. Feeling – Instead of facing shame, anger is turned toward others
   2. Problem – the angry person is damaged as much as others, shame actually increases
   3. What to work on – pay attention to what is said/focus on facts, change neg self-talk to pos
6. Intimidating
   1. Feeling – anger used as intentional means to get what you want
   2. Problem – anger is used to intimidate or control others and ends up pushing people away
   3. What to work on –expressing your feelings instead of bullying, look for ways to compromise
7. Raging
   1. Feeling – adrenaline rush or surge of power happens when anger is expressed
   2. Problem – leads to up-and-down lifestyle, rush and drama can become addicting
   3. What to work on – find healthier ways to get a rush (sports or music), learn to appreciate calm
8. Grumpy
   1. Feeling – negative outlook protects from taken advantage of or getting hurt
   2. Problem – perpetual negativity can lead to depression, it drives everyone away
   3. What to work on – increase positive experiences, notice what went well; get help
9. Suspicious
   1. Feeling – combat feelings of constant threat, keeping guard up gives illusion of protection
   2. Problem – difficult to form trusting relationships as jealousy/ distrust pushes people away
   3. What to work on – act as if people are well-intentioned, recognize we can’t control others
10. Moral
    1. Feeling – feel a duty to make sure everyone follows rules of behavior and morality
    2. Problem – black and white thinking, relationships damaged because of judgment
    3. What to work on – see conflict from different perspectives/ listen more, practice flexibility
11. Vengeful
    1. Feeling – intense resentment toward anther person born out of deep pain/ blaming them
    2. Problem – can lead to destructive behavior if unleashed or can cause depression if internalized
    3. What to work on – figure out where the pain is coming from, address the pain instead of focusing on others