The last two posts explained about how accepting that other people have different perspectives can help defuse conflict and lessen the angst we feel.  The idea of being able to say, “in my opinion that person should act/say/think this certain way, AND they don’t have to.”  We are recognizing our thoughts and expectations as valid, and we are giving others space to live by their own thoughts and expectations.

Now we move to trading places by taking it a step further.  Once we can accept that others think differently than we do, we can try to understand it by trying to look at life through their eyes.  We can put ourselves in their shoes.  So many times, we don’t have the full story.  For everyone there are factors from the past that have brought them to where they are now.  There’s no way we could ever have the whole story because even if we live with them the entire time and experience everything with them, we don’t have their personality, their gifts, their disposition.  We may be tempted to say, well, if I can’t possibly have the whole story, what would be the point of trying to trade places?  We will be able to have empathy and accept the other person easier if we try to trade places with them to see life from their point of view.

I’ll admit it’s not an
easy thing to do,
especially when intense
emotion is involved.
I have been able to
use the skill though
with some successes.

On a different note… this morning while coming home from dropping off the kids at camp, I heard an article about the REAL reason people commit suicide.  The radio host was paraphrasing from an article written by an expert who’d done decades of research and counseled a lot of people.  When the speaker said “we think that depression causes suicide, but here he says that while it can contribute to it, it’s not a cause.”  This intrigued me so I kept listening.

The expert says that the one thing all people who’ve thought about or attempted suicide have in common is despair.  This word when taken apart is des-pair – the un pairing from ourselves.  He explained a lot of ways this is manifest.

• Hopeless – being unpaired from thinking it can get better.
• Helpless – being unpaired from having resources to make it better.
• Powerless – a deeper form of helpless.
• Useless – being unpaired from knowing there is something I can contribute.
• Worthless – being unpaired from knowing we have value.

I’m sure there were more.  These are the type of words someone in despair would go over and over in their mind, describing themselves and their situation.  The speaker said it’s our job then as Christians to help those in despair to become paired with themselves through reconciliation with God and His plan for them based on how he made them.  He is the answer to hopelessness, helplessness, worthlessness.  He is the answer to all the questions.

As I ponder this and consider how I can help a specific friend, it strikes a cord with me.  I’m praying for wisdom to be able to reach out and share this is a way that resonates.