We know that the truth sets us free. It seems logical then that if we believe a lie or a myth we would no longer be free. As part of our study on relationships we looked at myths that negatively affect them.  I won’t make this a trick test by asking if these statements are true or false – they’re all false!  They’re all myths.

The first part leans more toward belief that we don’t matter and the second leans more toward thinking we matter more than we should.  We were challenged to write a statement for each of these in a way that would make it true.  An example for #1 would be:  I am of value as a person, so I deserve to get what I need or want.

1. I don’t deserve to get what I want or need.
2. If I make a request, this will show that I’m a very weak person.
3. I have to know whether a person is going to say yes before I make a request.
4. If I ask for something or say no, I can’t stand It if someone gets upset with me.
5. If they say no, it will kill me.
6. Making requests is a really pushy (bad, self-centered, selfish, etc.) thing to do.
7. Saying no to a request is always a selfish thing to do.
8. I should be willing to sacrifice my own needs for others.
9. I must be really inadequate if I can’t fix this myself.
10. Obviously, the problem is just in my head. If I would just think differently, I wouldn’t have to bother everybody else.
11. If I don’t have what I want or need, it doesn’t make any difference; I don’t care, really.
12. Skillfulness is a sign of weakness.
13. I shouldn’t have to ask (say no); they should know what I want (and do it).
14. They should’ve known that their behavior would hurt my feelings; I shouldn’t have to tell them.
15. I shouldn’t have to negotiate or work at getting what I want.
16. Other people should be willing to do more for my needs.
17. Other people should like, approve of, and support me.
18. They don’t deserve my being skillful or treating them well.
19. Getting what I want when I want it is most important.
20. I shouldn’t be fair, kind, courteous, or respectful if others are not so toward me.
21. Revenge will feel so good; it will be worth any negative consequences.
22. Only wimps have values.
23. Everybody lies.
24. Getting what I want or need is more important than how I get it; the ends justify the means.

Just like with the Personal Bill or Rights, I’m interested in how these strike you.  Do you agree that they’re false? Are there some that are easier to rewrite than others?

The third skill in Interpersonal Effectiveness Module is FAST – this is the skill you use if your objective in your interaction is to preserve your self-respect.

F – FAIR:     Be fair to yourself and to the other person; remember to validate your own feelings and wants as well as the other person’s.

A – APOLOGIES:    Don’t overapologize: don’t apologize for being alive or for making any requests, don’t apologize for having an opinion or for disagreeing; Don’t look ashamed with eyes or head down, slumped shoulders, and don’t invalidate what is actually valid.

S – STICK TO VALUES:    Stick to your own values, don’t sell out your values or integrity for reasons that aren’t VERY important; be clear on what you believe is the moral or valued way of thinking and acting, and then “stick to your guns.”

T – TRUTHFUL:    Don’t lie, exaggerate, or make up excuses; don’t act helpless when you aren’t.

I have to admit that these interpersonal skills are very difficult for me – every one of them.  I should probably clarify: it’s not that I can’t practice the FAST skills, it’s that I don’t do it well with grace.

Here is a recap of the Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills…