In the Distress Tolerance skills like ACCEPTS and IMPROVE there are a lot of things we can think about and do. A coordinating lesson I was taught at both ACCFS and TK is about creative resources. There are coping mechanisms, survival skills, and creative resources. Coping mechanisms are automatic actions or thought processes that when carried out seem to make things better. Practiced often, they become survival skills. For example, if a child is around parents who frequently fight or argue loudly, the child may cope by hiding. It helps them stay out of the way and not become involved or blamed. It may be quieter where they hide. Over time this feels like the only way to survive. As they get older they most likely will shy away from conflict, have a hard time resolving difficulty, and/or may become a people pleaser to avoid conflict. At this point a survival mechanism has now become detrimental. This, obviously, is just one example.
Another example may be a child who perceives that parents expect perfection and are often critical. The child may try harder and harder to be perfect, or at least good enough. This may lead to becoming a workaholic, spending inordinate amounts of time to get a presentation perfect, spending a lot of time planning for all the possibilities of failure and never getting anything done, or trying to do more and more “for” God. There are many examples of coping mechanisms and survival skills.
We went through a list of possible survival resources and circled the ones we tend to use. We talked about what other thoughts and actions we could naturally substitute in their places. Part of this was to recognize the creative resources available, both internal and external.
This is a partial list of
possible survival resources:
- Anticipate other’s needs to keep them from getting angry
- Cling to others to feel safe
- Acquire a lot of things or rely on possessions; over-shop or over-spend
- Rely on excessive exercise
- Withdraw and isolate oneself
- Shut down and become numb
- Show only those parts of your personality that you think others will accept
- Become a workaholic
- Overdo or keep too busy
- Focus on the details in a perfectionistic way
- Blow off steam with emotional outbursts
- Be hypervigilant
- Become preoccupied with a spiritual or fantasy world
- Sleep too much
- Engage in extreme or dangerous activity
- Over or under eat
- Disconnect from yourself and others; stop feeling and become numb
The natural substitutions are often the opposite action – reaching out instead of withdrawing, trusting God instead people or possessions, etc. The next step in the exercise was to choose a survival mechanism we use and list out how it helped us in the past and how it’s harming us now. Then we were to think of other behaviors we could substitute instead; this involved listing out things we know how to do, activities we’re good at, and those that give us joy. This is not easy when self-
worth is low, crisis is present, etc., but it’s helpful to get us out of downward cycles in the long run. Here’s a place to start. ⇒
There was a worksheet that listed out the different categories to think about as we came up with what resources we personally have. There was space for external and internal resources and to note how using them made us feel different.
Here is a list of the categories and a few examples…
- Relational – sense of deserving friendships and family (internal), group activities (external)
- Physical – exercise (external)
- Emotional – ability to express and communicate emotions (internal)
- Intellectual – problem solving ability (internal), brain games, classes, and library (external)
- Artistic/Creative – writing, cooking, decorating, landscaping (internal), museums, classes, creative supplies (external)
- Material – comfortable chair, electronics (external)
- Psychological – mindfulness (internal), counselor (external)
- Spiritual – faith, prayer (internal), participation with others of the same faith (external)
- Nature – senses (internal), gardens, mountains, lakes (external)
This is kind of long, but hopefully helpful. I also posted lists of negative and positive coping skills under lists.
