Author Archives: brocke

Self-Care and Compassion

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I’ve been struggling for a couple of days to write this post, and I finally figured out why.  Self-care is the next topic in the progression of information AND my self-care has tanked since New Year’s.  It’s becoming more and more obvious how much I’ve let slip in my self-care.  There’s relief in just putting it out there. Just saying it.  Now the hard part – getting back up and getting back on the path of recovery.  Without “shoulding.”  Without shame.  Just baby steps.

Discussion on self-care happened in some form at every appointment at ACCFS and at Timberline and in most of our groups.  Self-care encompasses all those areas in the PIES check-in and also includes relationships and career goals.  I’ve posted an assessment we did for ourselves while in the step-down program – click here. It’s also one of the “lists.”

Now maybe you’re thinking this is hogwash because we shouldn’t be focused on ourselves. I’d like to share a few tidbits I’ve picked up over the last dozen years.  (It’s pretty easy to write these; much harder to be mindful of them when you need to be!)

  • Consider this picture…

 

 

  • I once heard the following in an radio interview – “just when you think you’ve got all you can
    handle, God allows one more thing to come along because it draws you to him.”
  • In Early Childhood classes the parent instructor shared the acronym HALTS with us. Kids are much more prone to tantrums when they’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Sick or Sad.  This sure applies to us as adults too!  For the S we added Stressed.
  • I’m sure you’ve all sat through the safety speech on an airplane – secure your own oxygen mask before helping others.
  • Jesus took time away even when there were multitudes that needed his help. Amazingly, after just three years of ministry, he was able to declare, “it is finished!”  He knew there were others that would pick up the work – fallible, bumbling men, but others nonetheless – and he trusted mankind to take the reins at that point.  (Do we ever get finished?)
  • If I’ve had a busy weekend, I like to take part of Mon as my “day of rest.”

Now, lest you think I’m advocating thinking only of self, we also had groups on community and being “other-focused.”  The Bible has a lot to say about that too!

I’m also posting two more songs – The Pit and Turn Me Back to You

Personal Check-in Option

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Last time I wrote about putting a plan together for changes in the new year and included thinking about what do if it didn’t go “as planned.”  This is about one suggestion to help with that plan – a daily check-in. We did this at Timberline every morning and evening.  It helped us with mindfulness and being aware of how we were doing at the moment. It helped us make the most of the time we had there.  It also helped to treat the whole person – emotionally, physically, relationally, and spiritually –  which is one of the goals at Timberline.

No one had just sessions for the reason they were there, but also groups like art therapy, movement therapy, family dynamics, etc. We met with therapists, psychiatrist, doctors, dietitians, and had the opportunity to go to church. There were many ways, besides our morning and evening groups, that they checked in with us to monitor how we were doing or had us check-in with ourselves. One that speaks to the whole person came from the Native American Medicine Wheel…

 

The one we used changed Mental to Intellectual and rearranged the sections, such that it was a PIES check-in – physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual. In each section of the circle we completed a sentence. “Physically I feel…” and so on. I thought it was interesting how closely this mirrors the greatest commandment. Here’s Mark 12:


28…and asked him, Which is the first commandment of all? 29And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: 30And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

At the bottom of our check-in sheet was the statement, “Today I need…” Once we had
assessed how we felt in each section, we could decide our need – prayer, sleep, quiet,
interaction, learning, etc.

Reflections on New Years

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Happy New Year!

One of the first scriptures I read after I moved into my room at TK was I Corinthians 6:12 –

  • All things are lawful unto me, but all things
    are not expedient: all things are lawful for me,
    but I will not be brought under the power of any.”

Other versions say it this way:

  • All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will
    not be mastered by anything. NASB
  • “I have the right to do anything,” you say, but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do
    anything” but I will not be mastered by anything. NIV
  • “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not
    be dominated by anything. ESV

The idea is that nothing on this earth will have power over me because I am Christ’s.  It was interesting to think about this at a place like TK because everybody there was dealing with something they wanted or needed to overcome, such as addiction or faulty thought processes.  It’s a continual process to allow Christ to be in control and not something else. I guess you could call this sanctification too!

This is a great segue into New Year’s.  This is the time when so many of us take stock of last year and reflect on what we want to be different this year.  I know I am.  I can make a whole list of things I want to change, do differently, see turn around, etc.  Thinking about them won’t change anything though, so I’m starting to put a plan together.  Well…I’m thinking about starting to put a plan together.  It takes me time to think through things, and this is no different, maybe bigger because I don’t want to fail.  I really want to make some changes.

  

So many times in the past after thinking about changes I want to make, I throw myself into it.  When I mess up I “should” all over myself and wonder why I even try.  In reality – I should say, in truth – it’d be better to pick myself up and reset the tape in my head to say, “you made a mistake, AND this doesn’t mean you’re a failure; start again tomorrow and go back to the plan.”  This means I need a plan to go back to!

This has ties back to the thoughts on perfectionism.  This works best with mindfulness and concentrating on the moment.  This encompasses positive self-talk, defusing from thoughts and emotions, understanding emotions are only information not predictors, and understanding what my values are.  So much of what I’ve already written about comes into play when it comes to changes at New Year’s – resolutions, if you want to call them that.

What changes do you want to make?
What’s your plan?
What will you do when it doesn’t go as planned?