Month: April 2018

Introduction to Interpersonal Effectiveness

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The fourth and last module in the DBT curriculum is Interpersonal Effectiveness. In it we learn ways to get along with others in conversation, in making requests, saying no to others, and myths about interactions and self-respect.  I want to start by saying this is very difficult for me, and I’m having a hard time continuing to keep this in mind and use the right skill in different situations.

It’s divided into sections, so the first page details how to decide what the goal is in interpersonal situations:

  1. Objectives Effectiveness – Getting what you want from another person
  2. Relationship Effectiveness – Keeping and improving the relationship
  3. Self-Respect Effectiveness – Keeping or improving self-respect

In order to determine which skill to use, we can ask a series of questions…

  1. What results or changes do I want from this interaction?
  2. What will work to get those results?
  3. How do I want the other person to feel about me after the interaction is over?
  4. What do I have to do to keep this relationship?
  5. How do I want to feel about myself after the interaction is over?
  6. What do I have to do to feel that way about myself?

More explanations to come!

 

 

Personal Bill of Rights

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At Timberline we were given a Personal Bill of Rights as part of the self-compassion teaching.  So many women there came from rough situations, without much self-esteem, using addictions to fill the void in their lives, and letting others take advantage of them.  One of the goals at TK was to build confidence and enough self-esteem that women wouldn’t allow others to abuse them, put them down, or take their voice away.  I’ve posted the Personal Bill of Rights under Lists. I’m curious if any of these resonate with you as ones you want to believe but find difficult. Are any of these off-putting or make you cringe? What other reactions do you have or feel when you read these?

Looking forward to your comments!

Outcomes (Morning Reading)

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It is important that we plan for the future, imperative that
we accept an outcome unplanned. ~Molly Mcdonald

We sometimes feel confused over how to live just one day at a time while making strategic plans for the future. It seems contradictory to try to do both. Yet that is what a healthy recovery means.

Goals help direct our attention. They give us needed focus. They give us enthusiasm for making the most of our recovery. But just as we need goals to strengthen our resolve to move forward, we need willingness to let God be involved in our effort and even more important, in charge of the outcome. God’s role and ours, though related, are in fact quite separate. In our rush to move forward we sometimes forget to turn over the reins when our part is done.

We are learning the joys of living one day at a time. We are letting God be responsible for the outcomes of our endeavors. Each day in recovery gives us more time to practice doing only what we need to do and leaving the rest in God’s hands.

I must let God take charge of the outcomes of my efforts today.
If I do, I will be cared for in the most loving fashion.
~From A Woman’s Spirit