Time to get back to therapy topics! Before the last few devotional posts, I was talking about positive self-talk, perfectionism, automatic negative thoughts, etc.

One of the automatic negative thought patterns is “All or Nothing Thinking” or “Black and White Thinking”, as referenced in the Perfectionism post. The technical psychological term for black and white thinking is Dichotomous Thinking.  It comes from the Greek roots for “in two” and “to cut.”  It basically means to look at life with an Either/Or perspective.

⇒Either I’m right or you’re right.
⇒Either I can do this perfectly or I’m a failure.
⇒Either I am loved or I’m worthless.
⇒Either I choose option A or option B.

This kind of thinking leads to real problems.  How can we do our best if we are either expecting perfection of ourselves or calling ourselves worthless?  How do we get along with others if one of us always has to be right?  Isn’t it true that we can have different opinions and still both be right?  Isn’t it true that we can make mistakes and still be a person worthy of love?

⇒I like seafood restaurants and you like steakhouses; we’re both right.
⇒I can make mistakes and not be a failure; everyone makes mistakes.
⇒Sometimes I mess up and I’m still loved.
⇒Sometimes option A and option B are both viable options along with many more choices.

Do you notice the difference between the first set of statements and the second? The operative word is AND.  When we can think with AND instead of OR, it’s called Dialectical Thinking.  Dialectical means “a synthesis or integration of opposites.”  Dialectical thinking is flexible and open to options as well as opposites.

When I went to ACCFS for counseling there were so many times I would ask “What do I do in this situation? Should I do this or should I do that?”  My counselor always answered, “Are there only two options?”  After a while I made sure when I was asking for help to either ask open ended without options or to offer more than two options!