Recently, at a Bible Study, we were talking about knowing someone – a friend, neighbor, coworker, etc. – for a long time and still only sharing a surface level conversation when we run into them. In a place like Timberline, residents are admitted and discharged every day. Because we were all there to get help for the struggles in our lives, we knew we could be open with each other. We’d get to know each other pretty quickly. Of course, we were living together and spending a lot of daylight hours together, so some of that getting to know you is inevitable!

The idea that time is short, creates an array of options. Some women chose to keep to themselves. Some women made it a point to get to know others as soon as they could. Some were polite to everyone and close with their roommates. I’m sure a lot of choices made were based on how the residents were treated in their relationships before they came to TK. Since I came home, I’ve been thinking about how the community of the lodge could resemble the church body; or even relationships we have outside the church.

When we think we have a lot of time, we may wait to share with another, we may wait to ask another about their trials, and we may walk by without interacting at all. We may even treat God this way. God made us to be in relationship with him and with others. Someday I’ll write about independence, interdependence, and codependence.

Every day at TK we had a community meeting for all residents in our lodge. We had two big white boards and a set agenda. These were some of the things on them…

Here at home, we try to have a family meeting every Sun evening to go over the week’s activities. It would be interesting, I think, if we added a few items from our lodge community meetings to our family meetings. One was a goal for the day, and this was usually things like keeping the lodge clean, being quieter, celebrating a birthday or focusing on our self-care. It makes me curious to see what the kids would come up with for a weekly goal. Another item was three positives – every single day. Again, it makes me curious to see what the kids would list. Once I moved to the PHP step down program, our community meeting was once a week. Many times, the positives included things like not having locks on the bathroom doors!

Another aspect of the community life was the respect for each other’s situation and feelings. In most groups, we were encouraged to share and respond to others’ stories, and in almost every group, we were expected to ask permission, such as “are you open to feedback?” before responding. Everyone had the option to say no they didn’t want feedback. That, too, would be interesting, to see the kids ask before responding to their siblings! In giving feedback, we were expected to use “I statements.”  I’d say, this is my experience, or this is what worked for me. Once in a while, someone would say, you should, but not very often.

This is good advice for all of us.

Shoulding on others should be banned!